Grandma Mary
October 6, 1949-July 4, 2013
When I was little, I remember going to my grandma's house for days at a time. My grandpa would take us out on the boat and we'd go out to this little island on the lake, "my island," and my grandma would watch us swim. She wouldn't go much farther than waste deep in the water because she would sink like a rock.
I used to dress up in her shoes and sometimes, my great grandma's dresses. We would have tea parties with Pepsi in her china and wine glasses. She had me drinking coffee young too--I just did anything I could to be like her.
When I was in elementary school, I wrote grandma and grandpa a song--about grandparents obviously. She thought it was just the greatest thing. I think I still have the lyrics in my box of memories, oddly enough.
I remember getting the same thing she always did at Taco Bell--Nachos Bell Grande!
I can still smell her hair spray and her perfume--I think it was Gloria Vanderbilt. That was always the smell of home for me. Their home was my home. With my parents divorced and things a little hectic, my grandparents' house was always just home for me. I remember even asking my grandma if I could just live with her forever. I'd be lying if I said I was spoiled rotten there, but they spoil all of the grandkids so I know I'm not the only one that can say that.
Grandma and I had this thing for Nicholas Sparks books. This new one that just came out--I know she would've borrowed it from me or vice versa. She always had such a good collection of books to chose from. She also has this amazing collection of angels--her favorite thing ever! I remember role playing with them as a kiddo. I gave them names and I would play pretend. Nanny (my great grandma) has a large collection of angels that I used to play with too.
My grandma was a good woman, with a big heart, soft touch and a loving smile. I can still feel her hands, the softness of her skin--my step mom says I have my grandma's hands. I hope that's true. She was so loving--a born grandma. She accepted anyone as hers. My step siblings--she just immediately treated them like blood. She never judged anyone. Not even me when I was pregnant and not married. She just supported me and loved me through it. I'm so glad she was there when Bella was born and when I got married to Justin. I'm only sorry Justin didn't have more time with her--he would've seen why I look up to her the way I do.
She was just so beautiful.
I was so scared when I heard that she was sick when I came home for a visit this summer. When I saw her in the hospital, she was out of it and I was so sad for her. I just wanted her to be better. She didn't look like herself, she was in pain--emotionally and physically. The last time I saw her, she looked better, but she wasn't convinced that she would get better. I still can't seem to accept what happened. It took me nearly 3 months to call my grandpa because I would just break down at the thought of dialing their number knowing she wouldn't answer, she wouldn't be sitting next to grandpa, playing on the computer with her ancestry program or solitaire. I love my grandpa, don't get me wrong. And I know that I need to be strong for him, but I can't even begin to understand his heart ache--especially not when mine is overwhelming my thoughts. Her birthday was this past Sunday and I did call him. I was so glad to hear his voice, but I am still sad for his loss. He is a strong man, and God is really touching him now to help him get through this, but that hurt has to be unbearable. I wrote a letter to my grandma--folded it up and put in in my Bible, but I'll share it with you all.
Grandma,
Happy Birthday!!! I know that you don't like people to make a big fuss about you but it is hard to do that when you're not here for us to at least be around. We all miss you so much. How's the air in Heaven? I bet your allergies and your lungs aren't bothering you now, huh? WOOHOO!!! No more breathing treatments or medications!!! I wish you could call, I can't remember what your voice sounds like even though it's only been a few months since you spoke last. I'm so sorry that I didn't make it in time to say goodbye. I think of you everyday and I miss you terribly. If you could, just do me a favor and keep an eye on Bella and help me to teach her to be more like you. I wanted to get some Calla Lilies to plant for you, but I think I'm going to have to wait til the spring. I don't want this letter to be sad, it is your birthday--a happy day! I will always love you, I will think of you daily, and I will celebrate everyday in your memory because I am so blessed and grateful to have had you in my life for 23 years. I love you grandma!!! Happy Birthday!!
Love,
Britanie
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